40-year-old keeps secret that her 47-year-old sister never graduated college from their parents for 20+ years: 'I’ve been contemplating for a while just letting the truth come out'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Sep 3, 2025 11:00 AM EDT

There are some secrets that you plan to take to your grave, and for good reasons. Sometimes it's best for everyone involved that the drama of the past doesn't get dug up for the sole purpose of dragging someone through the mud. I certainly have a secret or two that I don't particularly want even my closest friends and family members to know, and that's my right. It's easy to keep your own embarrassing secrets, but keeping someone else's requires much more discipline. The tricky thing about keeping someone else's secret is that sometimes you forget that it was a secret in the first place, especially if it's something incredibly banal compared to the deep, dark secrets that you take to the great hereafter. 

It's more challenging to keep the secret "My girlfriend and I are having relationship problems" versus "My girlfriend has two children who live in Florida with their dad, and she doesn't want any of our friends to know about that." There's a level of specificity with hiding a big secret that somehow makes it simpler to keep quiet about it.

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  • The woman in this story is bitter because she's kept a secret for many years, and it has done nothing but make her sister look better than her. Her sister never graduated from college, and she vowed to keep that from their parents. But now that she's going to college for real, she's still in her sister's shadow. 

  • Cheezburger Image 10550126080
    via Sandra Seitamaa (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Would I be the bad guy if I tell my parents that my sister never graduated college 20 years ago?

    WIBTA, Let me start out this post as Im a (40)that has returned to college to finish my degree. My sister (47)lied to our parents over 20 years ago that she graduated college. The reason why I know it was a lie she came to me when I was a senior in high school and told me that she had dropped out of college the year prior she was
    via u/notmondayplease
  • upset and she didn't know what to do and I told her everything would be OK and that I wouldn't tell mom and dad. My parents pressed for a while to see her grades and to see her diploma, but she always was able to make up excuses or avoid answering questions eventually, they just quit asking. They were so excited
    via u/notmondayplease
  • Black motorboard on university stole next to a degree from the University of Arizona
    via Susan Weber

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • she had graduated and would tell everyone. Through the years, she's had other issues and lied to my parents about those and me being the only one that knew the actual truth about them. For many years, it didn't bother me that she lied to my parents about it, especially since the last two years she was supposedly on scholarship. I also know that my
    via u/notmondayplease
  • parents were pushing her into a degree she did not want. But I guess 20+ years of living in my sister shadow and always being told how great her degree is and how great she is. It's finally just getting to me. My parents have made me feel like what I have accomplished in life is never good enough even now returning to college they make comments that
    via u/notmondayplease
  • my degree isn't going to be as valuable as hers, even though she's never worked in her "degree field". I've been contemplating for a while just letting the truth come out, but I think I would actually feel worse. I guess I'm just looking to see what other people's opinion are on the situation if I would be the ah le if I told my parents the whole truth.
    via u/notmondayplease
  • A happy senior couple with laptop and a pet dog sitting on a sofa indoors
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Final_Replacement_37 YWBTA Your beef is with your parents, not your sister. You are also 40 years old. You need to work through your relationship with your parents independent of whatever they feel towards your sister. Letting them know about your sisters degree isn't going to materially change anything. They aren't suddenly going to respect you more, they are just going to respect her less, and you are not in competition with your sister.
    via u/Final_Replacement_37
  • At 40 years old, I think its time to move past using your parents' feelings about your accomplishments as a barometer for success. If they will never be satisfied, then they will just never be satisfied. Ultimately, the only person that needs to be happy with the direction of your life is you.
    via u/Final_Replacement_37
  • Terrible_turtle_ This is an outstanding answer. its time to move past using your parents' feelings about your accomplishments as a barometer for success. well said
    via u/Terrible_turtle_
  • Lows-andHighs To add an anecdote: I have a parent that I have always been their least favorite (at least from the age of three). I went to university, their golden child didn't. The parent still sees me the same even with my degree. I'm not a failure, they failed me as a parent.
    via u/Lows-andHighs
  • eatnhappens They aren't suddenly going to respect you more Even worse, there's a good chance they'll respect OP far less for enabling the sister, even to the point of twisting the narrative in their heads to where OP must have been in some way the source of the lie. They aren't likely going to undo her golden child status that has been shared with friends and family for decades just because the bronze child tried to climb the podium (or whatever analogy works for you and means trying to be on th
    via u/eatnhappens
  • GuiltEdge Yup. Golden child gonna golden. No way to un- black the sheep.
    via u/GuiltEdge
  • beans8414 Yup. And the first thing out of their mouths will be "You knew this for 20 years and didn't tell us??"
    via u/beans8414
  • Individual_Ad_9213 YTA; there are other ways to get your parents to stop comparing the two of you without also betraying your sister's trust in you. For starters, you might tell them that every time they compare you two, you're either hanging up or leaving their presence - and then, you follow through with the threat. Congratulations on finishing your college degree by the way.
    via u/Individual_Ad_9213
  • Beautiful-Elephant34 This right here. Rather than throw your sister under the bus because you both have parents, create your own boundaries and then stick to them. When parents have a golden child, it's because they see themselves in that child. So remember, your parents see themselves more in your sister than they do in you, so imagine the kinds of things they must be hiding. There is a part of them that knows, that's why you getting your degree is not getting as much enthusiasm from them, imo.
    via u/Beautiful-Elephant34
  • SQ_Madriel So, you wanna throw your sister under the bus because your parents are a h_les? Does your sister act superior or use her fake degree to make you feel less than, or is she just living her life? If the latter, YWBTA.
    via u/SQ_Madriel
  • cold86z yeah 100%, this ain't really on the sister. If anything, the parents are the real problem here projecting and comparing like that for decades? That's messed up. She just dipped outta school and kept it movin not like she's flexin a fake degree on anyone
    via u/cold86z
  • Ok_Strawberry_197 YWBTA. But your parents are the true AH here. Just tell them that you're sorry they are not proud of you for continuing to improve your life and advance your skills. Let them know it is disappointing. But don't trash your sister. If they bring her up, just tell them that you hate the way they always compare you and move on. Don't tattle. You're too old for that.
    via u/Ok_Strawberry_197
  • Terrible_turtle_ This is excellent advice. Address how they treat you and how it makes you feel. This isn't about your sister (feels like it is, sure) it is about how your parents have let you down. Let them know it is disappointing. But don't trash your sister. If they bring her up, just tell them that you hate the way they always compare you and move on. This is the way
    via u/Terrible_turtle_
  • Entire-Register9197 Your motivation for spilling the beans is basically that your parents don't respect you, but this would not gain you respect, merely remove it from another child/adult.
    via u/Entire-Register9197
  • audigex While also making you look petty to everyone - it's not likely to make your parents respect you any more if you fall out with your sister for no reason
    via u/audigex
  • AsburyParkRules You're 40, why do you care what mommy and daddy say?
    via u/AsburyParkRules
  • Contemplating_Prison Yeah, this is weird for both of the kids. I mean I would assume by now the daughter would have told the truth that's weird to me. Then it's weird OP at 40 wants to make themselves look better by telling on their sister. What a weird family dynamic for people who are fully functioning adults.
    via u/Contemplating_Prison

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family drama favorites university sisters siblings middle aged graduate drop out favoritism favorite family dropout sister golden child college parents dad mom
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